How to Make Anal Not Hurt

When anal sex is done correctly, it should not hurt. But it can cause pain if there’s not enough foreplay, not enough lube, or if it’s rushed.

One way to ease pain during anal is by squeezing the sphincter muscle on purpose like you’re pooping. It sounds counterintuitive, but it works!

1. Relax.

If you’re doing anal for the first time or getting intimate with a new partner, it’s a good idea to have an open and honest discussion about consent and desires beforehand. This will help both partners feel comfortable and confident, and it can also prevent any potential pain caused by tension.

Another way to keep yourself relaxed during anal play is to practice deep breathing techniques and focus on your breath. This can relax the muscles around your anus and help you stay more calm throughout the entire experience.

Your anus muscles are designed to be closed tight, so they’re going to be tense during anal penetration. That’s why it’s important to use lube and take things slow.

If you’re still feeling uncomfortable, try adding more lube and using a smaller finger or toy. It may just be that the anal muscles aren’t warm enough yet and need more time to loosen up. If the problem persists, you can always use a safe word to signal that you’re uncomfortable and need to stop. This will give both partners the opportunity to take a step back and try again later when your bodies are ready.

2. Slow it down.

As with all sex, it’s important to communicate with your partner about how you feel. Talk about what feels good, what doesn’t, how much pressure you like, if you want to try anal play and more. Communicating with your partner can help you both have more pleasurable anal sex and ensure that anal penetration isn’t painful.

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You’ll also want to use lots of foreplay when doing anal to warm up the muscles and help the anus relax. Once you’re ready, it’s a good idea to start with a finger and then slowly work your way up to a dildo or penis. It’s also a good idea to use lube, as anal penetration can be painful without lubrication.

Finally, don’t rush anal, especially with a new partner. This can cause serious pain, not only during anal sex but for weeks if not months afterwards. It’s better to take it slow and make sure that your partner is aware of how you’re feeling throughout the experience, and to communicate about protection against STIs (prophylaxis, condoms, dental dams). You may even decide to create a safe word together for situations when things become too intense.

3. Listen to your body.

Many people are terrified of anal because they think it will be painful, but the truth is that sex shouldn’t ever hurt (unless you’re in a spooning position and cocking off on your partner’s head, which is totally cool). The biggest thing is communicating with your partners about their boundaries before, during and after anal play.

You can also practice relaxation techniques like pushing out like you’re pooping (I know it sounds weird, but trust me) to help your sphincter muscle relax and make anal less painful. Remember to use lube (the anus doesn’t produce enough lubrication) and take it slow. Check in often and don’t continue any sex that is painful or uncomfortable.

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Anal sex can also irritate hemorrhoids, so it’s important to use extra lube and be sure to stop play if you see blood. And of course, it’s always best to use condoms. Unprotected anal sex can cause sexually transmitted infections, including gonorrhea, chlamydia, herpes and HIV. And it can also increase your risk of ovarian cancer, colon perforation and rectal cancer.

4. Use lube.

Using plenty of anal lube is key. Your anus does not self-lubricate like your vagina, so you need a good quality lube (preferably silicone) to avoid pain from friction.

You might also want to try out different anal positions with your partner to find what feels best for both of you. For example, some people love the doggy position while others prefer to lay down on top during anal play. Just be sure to use an anal lube that contains jojoba, which relaxes anal muscles, and no lidocaine or benzocaine, as these are not good for anal.

It’s also a good idea to use a water-based lube when playing with anal, as oil can break down latex condoms and cause problems. A good anal lube will have no added scents, and it should be thicker than normal lubricant to stay put longer. You should also never use saliva; it’s not a good lubricant and can actually cause pain. You should always be aware of your sexual history when engaging in anal sex and only engage with partners that you feel comfortable with, safe with, and who have been tested for STD’s.

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5. Don’t force it.

Forcing anal can cause pain, whether you’re penetrating or receiving penetration. This is because the anus doesn’t produce any lubrication and can get tight and painful quickly when something pushes against it. If you’re trying to force anal and it hurts, that’s a sign that you need to slow down and take things easy.

Try to give yourself and your partner(s) lots of foreplay before trying anal. This will help to relax both the mind and body, which can physically relax the anus. Then, start slow, with fingers or small sex toys (designed for anal use, please!) and work your way up to larger objects. Make sure to use a lot of lube and be sure to communicate with your partner(s) throughout the whole process so that everyone is happy, safe, and enjoying themselves!

Anal sex isn’t for everyone, but for those who are able and willing, it can be a very pleasurable, intimate, and exciting experience. With a little bit of preparation, anal can be as good as vaginal and oral sex! So remember to relax, go slow, listen to your body, use lots of lube, and communicate with your partner(s)—and don’t forget the anal oil!

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