There is no one definition of sex—and that’s good news for lesbians, bisexuals and other people with vulvas. They can explore and play, while avoiding landmines they’ll regret later by clearly communicating about what feels safe and enjoyable to them.
They can have oral sex, mutual masturbation, toys and penetrative sex—but they must also use birth control.
It’s easier because you’re both women.
There’s a lot of misinformation out there about sex between women. Some of it comes from porn and some just from misunderstandings that are based on the gender binary.
One common misconception is that sex between women is always a lot hotter than sex with men. That’s just not true. Women can pleasure each other in a variety of ways, including stroking and kissing/snogging. Some of them like to lick or gently suck each other’s nipples or boobs, as well as rub them and gently stroke their vaginas and the patch between the scrotum and anus (aka the G-spot). Some women even enjoy penetrative sex with fingers, dildos or vibrators.
While STI risks between female partners tend to be lower than those between male and female partners, it’s important to protect yourself by using a barrier, especially for oral sex. This can be as simple as slipping on a dental dam or clinging film (saran wrap) and you may want to consider using a condom for penetration.
Another thing to keep in mind is that while women tend to last longer in bed, it’s perfectly normal to be ejaculated or have an erection during sex with your partner. This is why it’s so important to communicate with your partner and talk about what feels good — and what doesn’t.
It’s easier because you have the same genitals.
A common misconception is that sex between two women is always vaginal, or clitoral. However, sex between cisgender women and vulva-having people can involve oral sex (snogging and kissing), mutual masturbation, toys, and even penetrative sex with fingers, a dildo or vibrator. In addition, there are many ways for two women to stimulate each other’s erogenous zones: stroking the breast and nipple, massaging and licking the clitoris and anus, and even fingering the G-spot and other patches of skin around the anus (if a partner is comfortable with it).
Some lesbian couples have missionary sex, in which one woman sits on her back, while the other lies between her legs, with their penis resting against her G-spot. Others go for the classic hand job, in which a partner’s fingers slide up and down along the scrotum, rubbing the G-spot and patch of rough skin, and even gently touching or penetrating the anus (all while communicating that they are enjoying this, as the skin on the anus is thinner than the vulva).
It’s important to remember that even though two cisgender women have the same anatomy, sexual orientation and gender identity can be complicated. Sex also happens between cis and trans women, as well as intersex folks. Whatever your relationship looks like, remember that you can always find new and exciting ways to get it on, just by talking about what feels good.
It’s easier because you’re in a relationship.
As with any sexual activity, it’s best to begin with foreplay and proper communication between you and your partner. Then you can decide what works and what doesn’t, and what feels most intense or enjoyable to both of you.
If you’re in a relationship with someone else, it might feel easier to broach the topic of sex with them because you already have the foundation of a trusting and loving relationship. Often, this can lead to a more intense sexual experience for both of you because you have more control and can communicate what you like and don’t like.
During foreplay, you might want to experiment with the different kinds of sensations you can feel by stimulating each other’s mouth and tongue. Try sucking, licking, and gently biting each other’s lips or tongue to find what you both enjoy the most. You can also try different pressure, surface area, and speeds with your hands. And you can always add lubrication, which makes it more pleasurable for both partners.
A lot of people like to stimulate their clitoris with their fingers, too. It’s not as hard as it might sound. One of the most fun ways to do this is by stroking and tracing circles on her clitoris and experimenting with different speeds, pressure, and surfaces. You can also use a vibrator to spice things up.
It’s easier because you’re in love.
It is true that people in love tend to be less self-conscious, and are more willing to put themselves in a vulnerable position. However, it’s also important to remember that sexually transmitted diseases can still be transmitted through oral sex. It’s best to slip a dental dam (or a piece of cling film or saran wrap) between you for protection if you’re going vulva-to-vulva for the first time, and only do so after you’ve been monogamous for six months or more and have both undergone one or two STI screenings that have returned negative results.
You can have lots of fun stroking or licking each other’s clitoris and vagina, and using fingers to explore the folds and curves of the clitoral hood, inner and outer labia, and G-spot. Some women like to be rubbed on the anus, while others enjoy the sensation of being pushed back and forth against their penis with a hand job. And of course, sex between two women can also involve penetration, with either fingers, a dildo or vibrator.
Having sex with your partner can be a beautiful and sensual experience that will deepen your relationship and bring you closer together. Be sure to communicate what feels good and what doesn’t, and to stop when you want to. And be sure to give each other plenty of orgasm-producing pleasure, too!
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