Whether you’re straight or bisexual, male or female, or cishet, you can write erotica that appeals to your ideal readership. To do so, you need to be familiar with the basic storylines of good erotica and the sub-genre that interests you.
Start by choosing a genre and reading in it. Prune your adjectives and euphemisms for genitalia and sex acts so that they’re not overused or boring.
1. Be curious
Curiosity is a vital part of learning about oneself and one another. It’s how your arousal map becomes established—the branches, forks, deltas, and flood plains of each person’s sexuality river.
It’s also how erotic art works: by making the viewer curious about their own, and each other’s, bodies. It doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual—a photograph by Nobuyoshi Araki of a woman’s eyes is often considered erotic, even though it doesn’t show her genitalia.
Caroline suggests that you and your partner play with each other’s arousal maps by talking about what feels good for both of you during sex. This can take the pressure off of orgasm as an end goal and allows for more playful explorations of pleasure. It also helps to be aware of societal norms and to let go of expectations, which can inhibit eroticism.
2. Be self-aware
Sexual satisfaction is a critical component of healthy relationships and a happy life. But it can be a complex concept to understand and navigate.
To be erotic, you need to know who you are as a person. Self-awareness is the ability to recognize your own thoughts, emotions and physiological responses. It’s also the ability to be open and honest with yourself.
You can practice being self-aware by creating a self-portrait or answering a questionnaire like the Proust Questionnaire. This will help you get to know yourself better and identify your strengths and weaknesses. It will also help you develop an awareness of what turns you on and off. This will allow you to better engage in erotic relationships.
3. Be playful
One of the best ways to play is to take a playful attitude toward life and your relationship. Playfulness entails an aliveness and curiosity that keeps sexual desire healthy.
For example, reading erotic novels like Mooning’s fantasy can be highly stimulating to women and men – the eroticism is there but not in explicit details. Even art can be erotic, such as Nobuyoshi Araki’s famous close-up photograph of a woman’s eye that provokes sensuous feelings and associations in spectators.
It’s also important to be playful with each other outside of the bedroom. Just make sure you don’t tease in a way that you won’t follow through on. You could end up making your partner feel embarrassed or guilty. For instance, don’t make sexually suggestive jokes without taking them to the next level within a reasonable amount of time.
4. Be honest
The erotic energy is mysterious and provocative, but it can also be destructive. If unchecked, it can create a river of longing and anticipation that pummels the recipient like an out-of-control waterfall, rather than bathing them in a rainbow-laced shower.
When it comes to sex, honesty is essential. But the way we approach honesty varies from person to person. Some find it easy to talk openly about their sexual needs and desires, while others struggle to express themselves.
For example, a woman’s desire to have sex with her husband might be high, but she may not feel comfortable talking about it with him. This can lead to a lack of intimacy and a feeling that they’re not in sync. In this case, the answer is to work on communication and build trust.
5. Be open
Whether it’s in your business endeavors, bedroom or creative expression, being open transmits a vibrancy that connects and nourishes everyone around you. It’s like a sonar wave that can heal, feed and expand your life.
Many audio erotica apps like Dipsea and Quinn frame their content as an alternative to mainstream visual pornography, which they often characterize as misogynistic, exploitative, and unfriendly (if not actively hostile) towards women. This line of reasoning has influenced current philosophical debates on erotic art.
When desire is low, a good way to get erotic again is by exploring interests, passions and personal pursuits that ignite your sense of curiosity and playfulness. This may also help you identify your Core Erotic Feeling or CEF. But, remember that identifying your CEF doesn’t guarantee you want or need sex.
6. Be honest with your partner
Erotic sex is a sensual experience that can take many forms. It might involve role play, BDSM, bondage or a variety of different kinks. It can also be as simple as being fully present and tuning in to your pleasure.
Being honest is a key ingredient in building trust. Lying to someone you care about can damage your relationship and deprive you of the intimacy you crave.
So if you find yourself avoiding telling your partner something, try to check into the reason why. Is it out of fear or because you’re worried about how they might react? Imagining how they’ll respond can help you get the courage to bring it up. Then you can work together to find a solution that works for both of you.
7. Be honest with yourself
Being honest with yourself is essential in a healthy relationship. It takes courage, but it’s a necessary step towards getting what you want and need in life.
It can be a difficult concept to grasp, especially in the context of sexuality. For example, some people use large doses of erotic language in their writing, but they don’t classify it as erotic. Why is that?
The answer lies in their perspective of eroticism. To those who think that beauty and desire are antithetical, as many philosophers of art have thought (Schopenhauer, Kant, Shaftesbury), erotic works are a regrettable anomaly. But for others, like Nehamas, the two are complementary: each judgment of beauty contains a spark of erotic pleasure just as each drop of water builds a force by falling on a waterfall.
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